SPEAKER_05 0:00

Burnout happens to the best of us. Please hear me. It doesn't mean you're failing. It just means you need to step back and refill. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Welcome to Webinar Wednesday. I'm Jacob. I've got Sandy here with me. And today our featured guest speaker is Robin, Coach Robin, who's going to be sharing about burnout and how to handle the stress from ministry work. And this is also the beginning of a new series for us where we're sort of pairing up the pro-life team podcast and webinar Wednesday to effectively have a pro-life leader that we'd normally have on the podcast with a live audience with Webinar Wednesday in order to provide high-level education and insight and encouragement, along with the option of having real questions from those who are listening and engaged, which will also be the questions that many people that listen later will be glad that was asked. So all that to say is Robin, thank you for being here. If you could go ahead and yeah, share a little bit about your backstory and then roll into your topic, that would be that'd be great.

SPEAKER_05 1:27

Well, I I'm just grateful to be here, Jacob. Thank you for the opportunity. And I actually was an executive director of three different pregnancy centers over more than uh 23 years. I started at my first center in Sacramento, California when I was only 25 years old and navigated to Southern Oregon, where I was the director of another center. And then I actually stepped in and was an interim director for a director who went out on maternity leave. And I intimately understand what it's like to work inside of pregnancy center ministry. It can be exhausting because your work is never done. First of all, there's always another client, there's always another baby to save. And the work that all of you do feels so weighty. And it feels like if you say no to your job, that you're being selfish or that you don't care enough about life. And we kind of have some things backwards there. And as a professional certified coach now for the last seven years, one of my top things that I do is help pregnancy center leaders figure out how to overcome burnout. And that's what we're gonna talk about today. And my own story, I remember very clearly. I called a fellow executive director and I was like, I'm done. I'm gonna quit. I'm leaving, I'm burned out. And she said, No, no, no, no, no. Talk to Don Riker. And I didn't know who Don Riker was, but I trusted my fellow director friend. So I called Don and I made an appointment. And I'll never forget Jacob. The first question he asked me, he said, Rob, and how many hours a week are you working? And I said, 40. And he said, okay. So you go to the grocery store locally and you see a donor and they start asking you about the center. Are you working? And I said, Well, yeah, I guess so. And then he said, Well, and then you go to church on a Sunday morning and somebody asks you about the center. Are you in work mode? And I'm like, Well, yeah. And he said, and then you're laying awake at night for hours stewing about this, that, or the other. Are you working? And I'm like, probably. And he said, and then you're sitting in front of the TV and you open your laptop, and next thing you know, you're in your email. Are you working? And I'm like, uh, yes. And so he said, Let me ask you again, Robin, how many hours a week are you working? And it was closer to 70 or 80 when I was really honest with myself. And I did not have good self-care practices in place. I did not have good boundaries. I was working extensive hours, well beyond what I was paid for. And I went on a journey with Dawn, who was a coach, to learn how to instill some of these practices in my own life. And when Dawn was no longer unable to be a coach, I heard God say that I could step in. So my primary role is to work with pregnancy center leaders and help them lead with confidence and joy and ultimately when the time comes to finish well. And that's going to require some intentionality and some of those self-care things that I mentioned.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

Awesome. Um, and and do you have a did you want to use a slideshow for your talk? Or and if you do, we could probably click on share and share your screen if you would like.

SPEAKER_05 5:19

Um, I I mean I could. I don't necessarily need to have the slideshow, um, but I can definitely talk about the different topics if you want me to just keep going and dive in. I think the first part, so before you hit burnout, you have what we call compassion fatigue. And compassion fatigue, if you leave it untreated, if you don't deal with it, if you don't talk with someone about it or address your staff, compassion fatigue, if you don't treat it, it can lead to burnout. So compassion fatigue is just that feeling of um having too much empathy and compassion for your clients or your patients. And as you feel too deeply, it depletes you personally. And it's like a almost like a mental and a physical exhaustion and an emotional withdrawal. And it's experienced by those who care for sick or traumatized people. And if I had everybody in front of me right now and I asked you, are you dealing with sick or traumatized people? 100% of you would raise your hand. Because those who are coming to you are no longer just dealing with a pregnancy test. They have trauma in their life. And so there's so much more to deal with. And when you when you leave that compassion fatigue untreated, it becomes the burnout, which is like a state of mental and physical exhaustion that's caused by prolonged stress. So the longer you don't deal with compassion fatigue, um, it hits burnout. And once you hit burnout, like I did, you really need professional help. It won't go away on its own. Uh and in pregnancy center land, so let me describe this compassion fatigue. I call where we all live, pregnancy center land. It's a place that's kind of like Disneyland, but the rides can be terrifying and no fun. Um, but in pregnancy center land, it's that feeling of trying to save a baby's life, trying to save that mom and dad from making this decision you know is going to be devastating. And it's doing it over and over, knowing you really have zero control over her decisions and what she does. And it's that feeling of finding out then that she had the abortion and feeling like a failure, like you somehow hold the responsibility for her decision. And that's one of the things that we do is we think that somehow we did not do something right, where ultimately it is God who holds the responsibility for the decision that she makes. So when you're doing this over and over, and like I said, in ministry, your work's never done. So there's always another one coming. Or maybe if you're that executive director, now here you are dealing with another staff issue or board issue or fundraising issue, you know, fill in the blank, and it's just coming up over and over. So you start losing compassion for your work. And in ministry, there's just a real need to have compassion for yourself. Uh, and on that deep critical level, uh, to ultimately know things are going to be okay, that God has everything in control. And it's important to acknowledge your feelings, but don't let them rule your life, if that makes sense. So you're working alongside all these people who have compassion, and it can just get exhaustion, people who care for the unborn, people who understand the devastation of abortion. And you can't fix people or make the decisions for them. But that's what we do. We take it, we'll we'll take her decision with us to the car in the parking lot, uh, to home with us. We're laying awake at night, we're thinking about it. And the weight of all of this, it's gonna break you unless you figure out how to deal with it, leave it at work and in God's hands. This compassion fatigue creeps up quickly. We all just have the stories. You connect with a patient, you just know she's not gonna get an abortion. Then in follow-up, you find out she did, and it feels so defeating. And when you experience compassion fatigue, it's kind of like what it sounds like compassion, it just disappears. And all of a sudden, it's like this self-protection because you're like, I just can't do this anymore. And uh so, you know, if you have any questions at any point or any interaction, Jacob, just interrupt me. I'm good with that. Um, but I'd love to go over with all of you, and for those listening to the recording, some of the symptoms of compassion fatigue. And there's a lot of them, and you might experience one or two, or maybe you've got all of them. I have dealt with some clients who really feel like they're they're dealing with all of them. So the first uh symptom is compassion or is overwhelm. You're just feeling overwhelmed. You're hopeless, helpless, or powerless when you hear another story. Maybe you're irritable, you're just getting a little snappy. It's like your car is running out of gas. Or you have low energy. You just need to get done what needs to be done quickly because you don't have much energy. Maybe it's low empathy, you just get a little less interested and you just don't care as much. Maybe um you just want to go to bed. And when I say that, you come across as unfeeling because, on a fundamental level, your brain just wants to go home and go to bed. Maybe you're distancing yourself from your staff or your clients so you can function. You maybe are dwelling on that client's story and you just keep dwelling on it. Here's a big one. You should on yourself. I have to be careful how I say that. I should do this, I should have done that, I should, I should, I should. That was a big one for me. Concentration, low concentration, you just have a hard time concentrating or making decisions. You're having difficulty sleeping, you're having withdrawal. You just want to withdraw from life. Substance, maybe you're self-medicating, uh, relationship conflicts, productivity, you're less productive, uh, reduced pleasure and activities, and maybe, which kind of seems a little weird, you're overly driven, you're in, excuse me, increasingly driven. So those are some of the symptoms of compassion fatigue. And I would say for all of you listening or watching, check in with your team members, those you work alongside, because stressful situations and human suffering are just part of your job. I think we can all relate to compassion fatigue, especially uh, especially after COVID when everything just kind of escalated and got worse. So I want I want all of you to really hear me. There comes, there's a limit where you must care for yourself before you care for others. And it it can feel so selfish. You really know you should take a break and get away, but putting yourself first when lives are at stake feels so um so unhealthy. I mean, yeah, it feels so selfish, like there's no way you could get away. And as I mentioned, we feel like our clients' decisions or anybody's decision in our life, right, are on us. But God is the one who holds the results. So I want all of you, and you can write this down, or uh, if somebody wants to put it in the chat, the center where I worked, it was my development director who came up with this phrase. We set it over every single client and a webinar. Why? What's up? Uh-oh. So we saw it. Oopsie. Um, so we had a saying every woman um as she walked out of our doors. We visually let her go into God's hands and we said out loud, ready? You can write this down. If she chooses life, God gets the glory. And if she chooses abortion, God gets the pain. So we said this over every woman. It was so helpful for our staff. We learned to release those decisions and not carry them so deeply. It was part of our own self-care at our center. We also acknowledged the pain each abortion decision caused for our staff. So we would uh bring in a local trusted pastor a couple times a year to uh do a memorial service to remember any babies that had been lost. And this was a way to bring extra pastors into our center. It was beautiful. We would bring them in to pray with us and do these memorials. I also encouraged my clients to consider bringing in a professional mental health uh person to be on site for your team members just for a check-in. How are you doing? Because each one of us is so much more outside of our centers. We've got stuff going on in our families and in our lives, and we need someone confidentially to talk with and pray with. So that's uh compassion fatigue. And I want to transition a little and talk more about burnout, which I mentioned if you are one of those who feels like you're really burned out as I go through this, you need to work with a spiritual director or a professional counts uh coach. I'm available. You may need to work with a counselor. Um, but burnout comes on gradually, maybe over years. And they have many of the same symptoms of compassion fatigue, but they're escalated. They're kind of on a different level. Uh, what to deal with burnout, like I said, is gonna mean working with a professional. And burnout happens to the best of us. Please hear me. It doesn't mean you're failing, it just means you need to step back and refill mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Burnout, the actual definition of it, it's a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. So burnout means it's really a, I heard this quote before burnout is not a badge of honor, but it's a lack of discipline. Many of us know what we should be doing to take care of ourselves, but we don't do it. And I encourage you to think about what are those things that bring you joy, that bring you life, that are life-giving for you? These are some of the things that I had to work with my coach through. And he asked me the question, Robin, what are the things that bring you life, that bring you joy? And I had to identify them and write them down. And he's like, put more of that in your life. If walking your dog brings you joy, then walk your dog. If being on a date with your spouse brings you joy, go on a date. Make it important, put it on your calendar, block out the time. Those were the kinds of things that I worked out to figure out what kind of self-care do I need. The burnout symptoms, um, the burnout symptoms start with the irritability, worry, maybe some high blood pressure, insomnia, you can't sleep, you've got headaches. But some of the additional ones that may resonate with you, uh, procrastination. You your work isn't bringing you joy. So you just don't want to do the work, right? Maybe increased conflict, missing deadlines. These next two are really big for me. Cynicism, I was so cynical. Everything that I heard, I was just kind of cynical and kind of ugly. Apathy was the next one. I just really didn't care. I was so tired. I could never get enough sleep. It didn't matter what I did. Depression and sadness, alcohol and substance abuse, heart disease, health issues, and high blood pressure, that can actually become your rest if you're not careful, if you don't figure out how to step back, refill, and take care of yourself, hopeless discouragement, even suicidal thoughts. So your question might be how do I deal with burnout? Or how do I avoid it altogether? So, as I said, if you think this is you, you need to find professional help. But the best plan of action is to build self-care into your life to avoid it. So, in our culture, we got to fight it against busyness all the time. Sometimes it feels like a badge of honor when somebody's like, Hey, Jacob, how are you doing? And he's like, Oh, I'm busy, right? Like it seems like it's a good thing, it's just a word we throw out, but I don't know if if you have heard this acronym before. And Jacob might or Sarah Sandy might want to put it in the chat. So B-U-S-Y buried under Satan's yoke. I don't know if you've heard that before, but if Satan can keep you busy, then your focus is gonna is gonna be off of God and off of the Lord. And where do we get our rest from? If I were to ask all of you where you get your rest, rest according to scripture, comes from the Lord. Come to me, I will give you rest. And if you're too busy to have that time with the Lord in the morning or during the day or the evening, at some point, if you're too busy, then Satan's like, Yes, you know, I got her or him right where I want them because they're too busy. Um, I want to cover a few quick ideas that you might want to jot down to add into your life that can be some tools to help you avoid burnout. Number one, do whatever it takes to leave work at work. Wave goodbye at the building as you drive away. Don't like I had to go to my board and say, I need a desktop computer. I don't want my work on my comp my laptop anymore. And that was a huge help for me because um I also took my email, I took it off my phone. And if I really needed to check my email, I had to stop and think about it. Do I want to go into work mode right now? Because for me, as soon as I entered work mode, it was a rabbit hole. And next thing you know, three hours later, my husband's been ignored, my kids have said mom, mom, mom, and I just ignore them. So it was one stopping point to help me realize, okay, Robin, do I want to go into that mode? And most of the time it was no. So I had to put boundaries on plate, you know, in in place. And I learned how to not be available 24-7. And I know some of you are like, but wait, lives are on the line. I need to be available. But may I remind you that God is bigger? He owns the decisions of the women you serve. He doesn't need you to save that life. He will use you to help save that life. But God is sovereign, he is omnipotent, he is omnipresent. He doesn't need you, but he will use you. But He also cares for you and wants you to love yourself. Number two. So the first one was leave work at work. The second one is keep firm boundaries. So you're not working more than what you're paid for. If you're paid for 32 hours a week and you're working 60, something needs to change. You either need to hire another person at your center and you need to be honest with your board, or you need to stop working so much. Number three, schedule a personal day and make sure your team gets one as well. It's a great way to serve them, even at least give them an afternoon. And if you're like, well, what do I do on a personal day? Don't be at home because you're going to look at the laundry or the dishes or the yard work, whatever needs to be done. Maybe find a friend who has a beautiful backyard and they work during the day. Say, hey, can I just come sit in your backyard? Can I just be there? And then turn your phone off. Grab your Bible, grab your journal. Uh, figure out how to deal with all the voices in your head and learn to be quiet. Uh, number four, write your to-do list for tomorrow at the end of the day. Beautiful. When I started doing this, then I didn't sit there and think about all the things at night that I knew that I needed to do. So just take those five minutes, write your to-do list for the next day and do the hardest thing first. Do the hardest, the big, hairy, audacious thing that looks terrible. Number five, schedule time to go for a walk or exercise daily. Even just a 20-minute walk can do so much. Get out in nature, get outside, uh, do something, move, take a walk. Number six, drink more water. Hang on. I'm modeling drinking water for you. By the time you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated. So drink more water. Your brain needs it. Number seven, focus on a good night of sleep. Whatever you have to do, put your phone in another room and get an old-fashioned alarm clock. These phones are killing our brains. We're losing the art of focus in all the studies that are being done. So figure out how to step away from your phone and sleep. Number eight, schedule social activities that make you happy with people you love. Schedule them. Get them on your computer. Get that date night scheduled with your spouse and hold it sacred. Do whatever it takes to do to do that. So those are a few quick ideas that you can schedule into your life. And as I said, when I faced my greatest burnout, my coach had me do those exercises. What things are life giving to me? I had to realize there's life beyond the pregnancy center world. And I had to get out of my tunnel vision, especially if I had conflict going on or board issues, or we had a big fundraiser coming up, or all the things. I had to figure out how to take that uh that um gift of self-control. And I had to figure out how to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ, as Second Corinthians 10:5 says, that is a very active verse. You take the thought captive, and to make it obedient to Christ, you have to correct what is wrong and you have to make it right. So you think you have to be in work mode all the time. It's not true. So that's one of the greatest lies. Um so I'm sure I got all your, I have all your brains going now. But when it comes to some of those disciplines that I worked with my coach on, that I had to figure out some of the greatest things. We know that that deep soul rest we all yearn for comes from God. I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. That's what Jeremiah 31, 25 says. So true self-care involves two things: self-awareness and self-compassion. You have to know, first of all, you have to be aware of what you need. And then you have to have enough compassion on yourself to make sure and follow through with what you need. I mean, God rested on the seventh day, right? Do I take time to rest and restore my soul and body? Jesus got away from the crowds. Do I feel like I must do everything for everyone all the time? Jesus prayed and prayed and prayed. Do I take time for prayer? And when I do that, do I listen to what God has to say? Do I remember to give my clients and staff over to God rather than try to fix them myself? Jesus' first miracle was at the wedding feast with family and friends. Do I take time for fun? And then God gave us a life manual in the Bible. Study and read it daily. It's how He speaks. And the Bible says to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. So that means you have to love yourself. I think we miss that sometimes in that verse. So you have you can love yourself through self-care, unapologetically, because God says to. And that rest I'm talking about can only come from God. And if you don't spend time with Him, you won't find that. And you have to get out of from under that busyness I talk about. And it requires some things that many of us aren't very good at to withdraw, to be silent. We don't even know how to do that in this culture, to pray and to listen. But as I said earlier, burnout is not a badge of honor, it's the lack of discipline. So some of the things I'm going to cover um come from this book. I don't know, Jacob, if you or Sandy have read this, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer. Highly recommended. I don't read recommend books unless I have read them. I've read it twice. I'm on my third way through it. And he really talks about five practices and disciplines that are critical, critical for deep uh self-care and soul rest. Number one is solitude. And solitude, it's not just about getting alone, right? You've got the introverts and you've got the extroverts and you've got those who really love to be alone. And those of us like me who love people, it's a little harder for me to be alone. Uh but if you're intentional about solitude, the way it's talked about in this book, it can become a place of transformation where your old self dies and a new self is born. And in solitude, I have no friends to talk to, no calls to make, no texts to send, no computer, no news to check. It's just me and this nothingness, like all the voices in my head, right? And the task is to stay there until the voices are silenced and you can hear the Lord. Sometimes that's really hard, but the primary task in solitude is to be with God and God alone. And it can be very fearful for many in this solitude to silence the voices. You may need to journal, figure out what is you, what is the enemy, what is God trying to say to you. You have to sort through all that. The second discipline is silence. As I said, in this culture, uh, we've got the internal silence, which is so hard. And then you've got the external silence. You've got all the stuff coming at you all the time. Oh my goodness, there's a tsunami that might hit Hawaii. Oh, what's going on with my oldest daughter? What's going on with my grandchild? What's going on, right? It's just, it's just constant. So to get that internal silence, it takes practice. That's why it's called a discipline. It's not going to happen right away. I have gone on a personal retreat for 18 years. And when I go on a personal retreat, it is me, God, my Bible, and my journal. Sometimes I bring my computer, a lot of times I don't. Uh, sometimes it's just me. And I go on long walks and I try to process all those voices in my head and figure out so I can hear from God. It's the most beautiful thing. It's scary for many, especially when you start. But if any of you want to go on a retreat like this, just connect with me. I'll tell you what I do. Sometimes you go away on a retreat and you just sleep because you're just tired. Um, other times I've gone and I'm ready to dig in and I walk away with 50 pages of written things in my journal. Um, so it's it's different all the time, but silence, you must find it in our noisy world. One of my clients had her best week in her entire life when she found a local monastery and went on a silent retreat for a week at this monastery. She said it was the most beautiful thing she had ever done. The third discipline is Sabbath. So God calls us to learn how to live with a Sabbath mentality, and that's to be intentional about creating a space where we can simply be, where we can linger with those we love, including the Lord, and enjoy each other. I'd love to bring the word linger back into our vocabulary. It's such a beautiful word. I remember when I was little, we'd come home from church and another family might just show up and we would just hang out all day long, just playing with no agenda. It was so beautiful. We don't do that enough anymore. And my challenge to each one of you, and some of you are gonna roll your eyes, uh be intentional about waking up on a Saturday morning with nothing to do. Nothing, no yard work, no chores, no go into this, that, or the other. No, just wake up with nothing to do. When's the last time any of us have done that? Jacob?

SPEAKER_02 32:46

When's the last time? I can't remember.

SPEAKER_05 32:51

Yeah, seriously, we're just we're just so busy. Anyway, the fourth discipline is simplicity. And I would say in America, we have no idea what that means at all. But the reality is we need so little, but we have so much. And we have this uh Costco mentality, right? You go into Costco or Sam's club and it's like, oh, I didn't know I needed that. I already have one at home that works, but oh, I should get that one because that's new and it's fancier, and it's just more, more, more. But the goal isn't just to declutter your closet, but declutter your life. What are those things in your life that are draining you that maybe you need to set some boundaries and uh and stop doing, and that can add to self-care. The fifth discipline is slowing, slowing down. We're all on this hamster wheel moving at breakneck speed. We know we should slow down, but how do we do it? You have to be intentional about moving slower, drive slower, come to a complete stop at a stop sign. Don't text and drive. Get into the longest line at the grocery store on purpose so you can connect and have conversation with the person standing next to you. How do we slow down? You have to be intentional about it. So, with all of that said, and I'll make sure that we have time for plenty of interaction for those of you who would like it. I recommend the creation of what I call a personalized burnout prevention plan. And so this personalized prevention burnout prevention plan would be different for each one of you. And you have to consider what kind of regular practices can you put in place to protect you from entering burnout. So you have to know yourself. You have to know the things you love. You need to know do you refuel when you're around people or when you're completely alone? What do you need to truly take care of your soul? And that's a question I would ask for each one of you to consider. I'm gonna go over um just 14 points. So we'll keep Sandy busy as she tries to recap these. 14 points. Number one, when you're thinking about this burnout prevention plan for yourself, don't forget your first love by keeping God in your relationship with Him first. So that is top, tippy top priority. When you're thinking about burnout prevention, incorporate God, whatever that looks like for you. Number two, discover true joy. Joy isn't like this giddy happiness, it's really a deep-seated peace. And there's a quote from uh from Kay Warren that maybe I can put in to the chat in a little bit. But the quote is joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, and the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation. What a beautiful definition of joy. Joy isn't just happiness, it's that deep-seated peace and settled assurance that God's got me and He's got everything going on in my life, and I can give everything and everything over to him every day. So, number one, don't forget about God. Number two, discover true joy. Number three, learn to rest. You know, Jesus rested. Can you imagine? Jesus said no to people when he could have healed so many. There were probably so many people that are like, wait a minute, why'd Jesus disappear again? He's got things to do. There's sick people over there. And Jesus is like, out. I need to go be with my father. So learn how to rest. And while you're resting, it's a matter of faith, right? You have to trust that God is handling all those situations that you don't have. Uh, number four, maintain that healthy sleep. I mentioned that earlier. Do whatever it takes. If you're an older woman like I am, you need to go, if you need to go get your hormones checked. I will tell you, I recently did that. I went to an uh integrated physician uh who checked my hormones. I had zero of anything. Now, let me tell you, progesterone is so helpful for sleep. So now that I am taking those bioidentical hormones, I sleep. It's such a world of difference. Do whatever it takes to get some sleep. Number five, pay attention to your diet and exercise. We all know we need to do better, right? Can I get an amen? But as I said, drink more water once you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated. Even if you exercise just 15 to 20 minutes three times a week, it's going to be better for you than nothing. So do something, move somehow. The next one is learn to be silent and learn to be still. Oh my goodness, be still and know that I am God, it says in Psalms. What does it look like for you to be still, especially if you're so busy? How do you say no to everything? All the kids' games or the grandkids' games, this event, that event, all the work stuff. How can you say no to all of that and be still? It's a big question, and there's not always easy answers. The next one is to create those outlets to do things you enjoy. What do you really love? What brings life to your soul? Do you need to schedule a massage once a quarter, maybe once a month, just for you? Oh, feels so selfish. But is that something you can do? Does it, does it do you enjoy it? What kind of music do you listen to? Do you need to read a good book? You know, there I'm I talked about we're losing focus in our lives. We really are. The ability to focus and sit and read a book without wondering what's going on on our phone. Man, it's becoming a lost art. Uh, get into knitting, watch a funny movie. A friend of mine is into quilting. I can't understand that money pit. Maybe there's some of you in here who love that, but good lord, the amount of time, much time she spends and money, but she loves it. It just brings her such joy. Take a walk, play with your children, spend time in nature. Nature is a huge piece of finding rest and to be still. We can all agree with that, whether it's ocean or mountains or lake or river or whatever. Um, the next one is seek to give your burdens to God daily. God, this is too much for me to handle. God, I give everything and everyone to you. This is this is no longer, I'm not gonna hold on to this anymore. Also, not an easy thing to do. It takes practice. The next one, learn to triage your daily and life events. So when I say triage, you got all these things going on in your life. You got personal, you got work, you got family, you got, you know, all these things going on. You can't deal with all of them at once. It's impossible. We can't multitask. They've really disproved that. We say we're multitaskers. You can't. Once you have been focused on something here, I'm gonna say something. If you haven't heard this, it might blow you away. Once you're if you're at work and you're focused on something that really needs to get done, and somebody comes and interrupts you, it's gonna take you 25 minutes to get back to where you were before you were interrupted. So focus. We where our brains can't do that much. So learn to triage the events. Um, and if you are in a burnout phase, please, please, please hear me. Do not make any big decisions. When you're burned out, it's not the time to make big decisions. Next is learn to have realistic expectations of yourself and others. Realistic and be kind to yourself. If you're exhausted and you're burned out, be kind. Give yourself permission to just sit and stare off into space and do nothing for a while. It's okay. I give you permission. Uh, the next, try to resolve those things that can be attended to easily and quickly. As I said, take fifth, take five minutes at the end of each day and create your to-do list for the next day. And then when you come in, man, hammer out, either hammer out a bunch of the things or do the hardest thing first, which is something we often don't do. And if you need to do it without an interruption, train your staff to stay out. I had to do that with my staff. There are times when I do not even knock on my door. I got work to do. So don't even think about it. Uh, next is learn to manage your time by saying no. And if any of you have issues saying no, connect with me. I'll help you practice. No. Say no. It's okay. There are times when it's really okay to say no if it's for your own self-preservation. Uh, block out time for you. I'll tell you, when I quit my pregnancy center job, I had somebody recommend to me to go into my calendar and write the word no on every single day for like three months. And I'm so glad I did that because everybody was showing, Robin, would you teach this Bible study? Robin, would you come onto this board? Robin, so everybody thought now that I was done, I had all this time. Oh no, I needed some self-care coming off of that job. And I was able to say, nope, I have something on my calendar. No, I have something on my calendar. Anyway, just a little, a little tip. But block out time for you without any guilt. The next one is learn to delegate to others. If you're honest with yourself, many of the things you're doing, somebody else could do, even if it was a volunteer. Maybe you don't have the funds to get another staff member, but many of you are just doing too much. So write down what you're doing, figure out which things maybe you can delegate. And the final one is find key people in your life who will hold you accountable. Growth and dealing with compassion, fatigue, and burnout, they're not gonna really happen in a silo on your own. You need to have people. Will hold you accountable, who will help you grow and move forward. It was my coach who saved me. He prevented me from quitting, and I was able to move on. So the final thing of what I'll say this personalized burnout prevention plan is in three phases. First of all, what do I need immediately within the next week? What do I need right now? Maybe you need a massage. Maybe you need to book that doctor's appointment. Maybe you need to just go sit by a river. Um, what do I need this week? The second question, what do I need in the next month? Uh, which might be booking that spouse date, whatever it is. And then the final one is what do I need over the next year? And that's building in practices, putting things on your calendar, blocking the timeout, holding it sacred, uh, those personal days or a personal retreat, those kinds of things that I mentioned. Um, so those are that's what a personalized burnout prevention plan can look like. So I have thrown out so much. I'm sure there are comments out there and things that people questions people have. So uh, Jacob, first of all, before I do that, what did you learn or hear from what I said?

SPEAKER_02 45:19

Wow, yeah. So um as you were talking, I felt like it kept syncing with Psalms 23, where the Lord is our shepherd, which is that really amazing relationship. And then it talks about green pastures and still waters. And green pastures I always think of are the things that we didn't ask for, but God brings into our lives. And the still waters are like the things that we chose to follow God to. And and so they're usually a little bit, you know, we have to make a decision to go there, and then he's and then it says he restores my soul, and so like that's like the green pastures and still waters comes before we you know, that's the restoration of the soul, and then it goes into um uh he leads us along righteous pathways for his name's sake, and and then there's the the feast in front of our enemies, uh oh, right before the feast is the um we go into the you know into the uh the the valley of death, and he is there, you know, and and I we don't fear because of him, and then his uh rod and staff provide comfort, and but but he is the reason why we don't fear. All that to say is I felt like a lot of what you were saying really matched Psalms 23 a great deal, and and and I think it's you know, we can claim Psalms 23 for needing green pastures and still waters. For me, I play pickleball and volleyball with my wife about 10 hours, 12 hours a week altogether, and it really helps us get the exercise. And I can't think about work when doing those things, which is amazing.

SPEAKER_05 47:05

It's kind of hard to think about work on the ball can imagine.

SPEAKER_02 47:09

And so that's my yeah, that's one of my main green pastures in still waters. Well, pickleball, volleyball, and church. Those are, and I try and not do work at church on purpose. Um, occasionally it shows up, but I try my best to not let that happen.

SPEAKER_05 47:25

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I'm gonna be doing a workshop at the Kernet conference on the value of taking a sabbatical, which is a such, you know, one of the highest levels of finding that that soul care and rest. And when I was on sabbatical, I had to have big boundaries. Uh, I didn't even go to church very often because I knew people would ask me questions. But if I did see someone at a store and they asked me a question, I had to say, uh, please don't ask me that question right now. You know, I don't know. I don't know what's going on. So don't even ask me.

SPEAKER_02 48:00

So for those, I think everyone might be muted. So if you have a question, feel free to unmute and go ahead and voice your question. Um and yeah, feel free. Or what questions might you guys have or thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 48:16

I have a question. I'm gonna jump in here real fast. Um, so you recognize it in yourself. What if you recognize it in your spouse at the same time?

SPEAKER_05 48:28

When you have a conversation about it, how can we how can we change this? How can we make this different? Part of my own personal retreat that I did was always getting honest with myself. Uh, how am I doing? How am I doing in the areas of rest and self-care? And sometimes I had to be really brutally honest with myself. I'm not doing very good. Like God and I aren't doing very good, or my spouse and I aren't doing very good, or we're both spinning. So it does take having those conversations and then together figuring out what's going to change. Something has to change to have that self-care. So is that helpful, Paul?

SPEAKER_00 49:09

A little bit, yeah. And I think yeah, it starts with the conversation because I I mean, I I see it affecting me, and I see it affecting my wife as much or more. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 49:19

Yeah, something just has to change. Because what do they say? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting things to be different.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 49:29

So yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 49:31

You know, I I think um for me what really stood out was taking that time of silence and solitude because I will, in the late afternoons, go swimming every day during the summer. And so it's like it's that's my time to get away. But you know what? I do is I take my phone and I go through my emails and I go through my notes and I go through the all the things that I didn't get done during the day, and I sit in the pool and do that. And that is not helpful because by the time I get out of the pool, I'm still tired. You know, my brain's still like been busy the whole time, and it is so hard to stop.

SPEAKER_05 50:10

Well, and it's it is extremely hard in this culture. Some of the studies coming out about what phones are doing to us, it's pretty astounding. Uh, so to learn to step away from your phone, completely turn it off, even if it's just two hours, is hard. And Generation Z, the youngest generation, many of them say that they are connected 24-7.

SPEAKER_04 50:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 50:36

So they're not getting sleep. They have no idea how to disconnect. It's um it's pretty astounding when you really hear the statistics.

SPEAKER_04 50:47

We have a question from Carrie that I think is really good. She said, Um, how do you know as a director if you need coach, a coach or therapy?

SPEAKER_05 50:58

Well, you're asking a former director who had a coach who saved me so much, helped me grow as a leader, helped me grow in confidence. So my answer to that is every executive director needs a coach. I just think um when you can't talk to your board and you shouldn't talk to your staff because you're their boss, and you shouldn't burden family and friends, who are you talking with about all the issues going on in your life, the self-doubt, the imposter syndrome. Sometimes you're just stuck, you don't know what to do, you don't know how where to turn. So my answer is every director needs a coach. And probably if you're asking the question, you probably need it too. Yeah, I just know the world, the world of pregnancy center land right now. Um, it was insane enough when I was there. But now there are so many options. You go to a conference and you have, you know, 15 different ways to do this, that, or the other, and which way do we turn? And then you hear of this center doing this, and you're comparing yourself and you're comparing your center to what they're doing. And how do you actually listen to God and do what He wants you to do? Um, you know, is He asking you to leave? Is he asking you to stay? If you're gonna stay, how are you gonna be a stronger leader? What are some of those things you can do? I I could not have continued as long as I did without a coach.

SPEAKER_02 52:32

That's good. So on Sunday, um, we had a sermon on creativity, and my pastor handed out um homework or sort of like homework for to everybody because we all got a unique slip out of a out of a mug. And I just wanted to share my homework with everyone here because it's a really good homework assignment. So I don't know if you can see this, but it reads Um, walk barefoot in nature and reflect. And so that's a pretty awesome homework assignment. So I just like to assign that to everyone who hears it because that's such an amazing homework assignment. So when you get the chance, walk barefoot in nature and reflect. Have you done it yet? No, but I am going to do that on Friday or Saturday. Um, because I'm going on a backpacking trip, but I'm gonna have to make some time to go barefoot for a bit.

SPEAKER_05 53:23

I'll hold I'll hold you, I'll hold you accountable. That's another part of coaching is uh accountability.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:31

It's hard to deal with the desert here, Jacob, but it's 110 on the ground.

SPEAKER_02 53:36

Well, I'm going to New Mexico, New Mexico for it's gonna be colder and more more pleasant. So yeah. Awesome. So yeah, so now we all have some homework that's pretty epic, but yeah, I like getting homework assignments that are epic. It's all it's always enjoyable.

SPEAKER_05 53:54

Well, that's the you know, wake up on a Saturday with nothing to do.

SPEAKER_02 53:57

Uh that's a good homework assignment too. I like that.

SPEAKER_05 54:02

Yeah, I don't know. I don't I don't know very many people who do that. I don't even really follow all of my own stuff, you know.

SPEAKER_04 54:10

So, how do you stop from feeling guilty? Because I when I stop and don't do anything, I feel guilty for not being busy all the time. Like if I just stop for five minutes to just listen to music or to do nothing, I feel guilty. Where does that guilt come from?

SPEAKER_05 54:34

From Satan or from self. Yeah, I think many of us don't realize our value and our worth. God is like, you are worth, uh, you are worth taking care of you. And especially as women, we take care of everybody. We deny taking care of ourselves. When I started taking my personal retreat, my husband was like, Why are you taking a vacation without me? And uh people were like, How could you leave your kids? Like boundary shaming, like uh make trying to make me feel bad. And the first couple of years I went, it was hard. Um, now you know the picture I have. God is there waiting for me. And he's so excited. He says, Robin, I can't wait till you get here because I'm gonna have you all to myself. It's a different picture God has given to me. Um, and now when I go, I do it unashamedly. I do it with excitement, I block the world out. And my staff got to the point where they would say, Robin, isn't it time for your personal retreat? Because I'd start getting a little snarky or a little edgy. And they knew everybody in my life saw a difference when I came back from that two-night, three-day retreat where I withdrew. Um so yeah, you have to be aware of it first of all, Fandy.

SPEAKER_03 56:07

Yeah, beautiful words. I have kind of a practical question, I guess, because I'm like, I know I need a coach. I've been doing this a long time. I would love to have that coach that help. Um, but it would be something that I would need my board to fund and see great need in that. How do I approach my board so that they understand that this is a need to keep me healthy, to keep the ministry healthy?

SPEAKER_05 56:36

Well, you know, my board chair, when I approached him about coaching, he personally paid for my coaching for years. Partly because he was tired of hearing it. He took the brunt of a lot of my concerns and frustrations. He personally uh paid for it, and then the whole board and organization saw a difference in me, a calm, uh, instead of so much worry, because I had a place to um take all of my thoughts and then have them come back in a healthy way to help me work through those. I also have a proposal that I give to any executive director that they can bring to their board, which outlines the benefits of how it can be helpful for you. So if you're interested in that, just connect with me and we can talk about it. Um, I also, for some of my clients, their board wouldn't pay for it. So I'm like, go to a donor that loves you. Many of the business professionals out there understand um what it means to work with a coach and they'll pay for it. Or go to your church. I know I have one, her church paid for her coaching because they believed in her leadership development. Um so I saw someone just asked a question about a coach. I am a professional certified coach, called to work with pregnancy center leaders. Uh, it's what I do. Day in and day out. And I'm sure Jacob will share at least my website or something. You're welcome to share anything. I'm an open book.

SPEAKER_02 58:17

Yeah. Well, if you Google your name, it comes up. Yeah, Google your name with coach, and it'll be in the title of our video and and um all of that. And so yeah. Hopefully, hopefully a lot of people who need coaches will end up seeking to get a coach. But looking for yeah, it all starts with starting to look.

SPEAKER_05 58:36

Oh, there you go. Um, I'm putting my there's my email. You can just email me. I've worked with hundreds of of pregnancy center workers now and done this for over seven years.

SPEAKER_02 58:52

Well, thank you so much for being here. And if anyone has questions that come up down the road, uh feel free to email anyone here and we'll get it to Robin or use Robin's email and get it to her. And and uh yeah, feel free to ask those questions as they come up or when they come up as you're as you're considering and thinking and praying. Um reach out for yeah, reach out, and we'll be glad to help as much as we can.

SPEAKER_05 59:19

Yeah, I do have, I am putting together an exclusive retreat on the Oregon coast, uh, May 4th through 8 for pregnancy center leaders. I don't have a way to accommodate men at this house, but it's a house overlooking the ocean, and it's an exclusive retreat for 10 executive directors or CEOs. And I have, I think I have six spots remaining. So anybody's welcome.

SPEAKER_02 59:46

And and for those in for those who go to Arizona who are who are in Arizona, I go to an annual um learn to love the master retreat where we do journaling or God story journaling. And it's very similar to what Robin was explaining. And there's a men's group and a women's group, and they're in March and April every year. And if you're ever interested in checking one out, it's actually at a monastery about an hour from Tucson called St. David's, and it's a really nice experience. I've gone about seven or eight years, or eight years in a row now, I think, and I really enjoy it.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:21

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:22

Thank you so much, Robin, and thank you everyone for attending and being here and and just making this a really good experience. Um, next month we're gonna have another pro life leader uh join us, and we'll have the you know opportunity to ask questions and hear this live. And uh, and also we'll be publishing this on the ProLife Team podcast. So those who didn't make it can hear it there, or if you want to hear it again, you can always listen there. And thank you again for Robin being here and for everyone else being here. I really appreciate you all. Robin, will you close us out in prayer as we wrap this up?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:57

I would love to. Father God, I thank you so much for each person on this call or those who will watch the recording later. We know that you are the creator of the universe, you created each one of us. God, you know what each person needs when it comes to burnout and self-care. Just bring them, Lord, closer to you. Thank you that we know that you're already in the future where we're not. God, we love you. We thank you for being present with us. In Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:30

Amen. Thanks, I'm not sure.